Ok, time for more bitching. I've been getting more stressed out lately. As of this moment, the stress is because of my poor performance on my translation test in Japanese and the possible further lowering of my overall grade. We have a large amount of work to complete constantly. There are no usual breaks from this. Not to mention the amount of things we have to memorize in addition to the homework. This class takes up majority of my time and after 2 years, it has become a nuisance. Right now I'm trying to complete an annotated bibliography that is due in an hour. I somewhat started working on it earlier, but leaving it to the last minute is just a testament to how much senoritis has taken over. I ought to be doing this earlier but I am increasingly not caring of the things I have to do. I'm really beginning to not care about anything. I just want to live and not be forced to do anything because I have to survive, or need the money, or is required to graduate. I find no joy in most things anymore and it just keeps ending up like this.
What I think I really need is a good friend, but those are so hard to find nowadays. Not just a good friend either, but someone who actually relates to me completely. I have a good friend, but we don't have that much in common. I have another friend who is somewhat of person who hates on everyone. I don't need that type now.
I really want to find the joy in life again, but it really is hard with the large amount of responsibility I have. The funny thing is it isn't that much when you consider how much responsibility others have in comparison. It makes me look like a spoiled college student who doesn't know better. I really need to toughen up and just do it. Who cares if it stresses me out. The thing is that whenever I'm pushing myself mentally, my perspective gets dizzy. I get lightheaded and can't think clearly. I wonder if last night's drinking had anything to do with it, or the pot. I rather not stop smoking since its the only thing that brings me happiness now, but I know that mentality is bad since it breeds addiction.
Crap, going on a tangent again. I need a good friend who lives near me. I want to experience another kind of life. The ones I have now bore me or just don't interest me. Now the question is how to make a good friend and how to keep them interested enough so I can learn from them.
I'm a fucking whiner